nazuki210

it's the first time for me to update my blog after i got move to pixnet.net...um..actually, i am really down today...um...not only today , but the past few days....although all my problem have been fixed. Ii need not to care about my internship, visa stuff anymore,however, Ii can't feel any happiness come out of my heart.I ijust feel like something is missing in my life...in the past few days, i have nothing to do , nothing that I want to work for....the feeling wasn't that gd..

I did think a lot in the past few days...i thought that y my life isialways full of "challanges"??how come everythime i put a lot of effort in doing one thing but at last , it just fail to achieve the goal?yyy?it is i really that bad so no ppl or country that want to get me involved?although i did ask meself to carry on , and yeah I did , i did carryonn in finding other offer sin hk....but I can't stop myself to feel sad about losing the offer in singapore.....i start deal with the hotel at the beginninig of sep......after i sacrify such a lot of time and effort, they give me a fail in getting the visa is because i am studying in a coutnry that they are not regonise???is it my fault???!!Ii don't know...

actually, after i back to hk , i never feel happy even during my taiwan trip, tha'ts the first time I feel sad when I was watching gary's performance( sure i didn't express my sadness) or eating those tasty food...not because it's always raining, but because I just lost my offer right before i go to taiwan...I lost everything at that time.I really hope that someone could notice my sadness and just came to ask me  wt happen....but no one did it.....and during the trip ....something happen that make me feel like.........um....無奈吧...i didn't mean anything, i know ppl did that to me is for my own gd, but when that's happened during my" down period" , it will make me even hurt.

Finally come to the end of this semester, actually, I would say this semester really gone soo fast, it just like i was back to IHTTI yesterday~!
This semester is really a diseaster for me...non stop working , planning, writting, exams..........never end....frustrated is the only feeling that i had now....sometime i even asked myself y I need to pay such a lot to put myself into hell, sometimes just want to cry hard, but even though i cried like lossing my mind, things and exams still comming , whenever i woke up iwt i need to do is to finish plenty of reports and group before the due date...I really want to get used to it, but it's hard, really hard......

alhtough it's hard, but finally it's over, i don't know how i stay alive, is it a miracle?who knows? after this semes, next task will be internship, i don't know if i make  a right choices, but it's no doubt that singapore is my favourite place which i would like to carry on my live there in the future, but I have no confidence to say that I must learn something from the internship right now as I don't know if I can satnd with those responsibility of providing high standard of performance, I go a little bit scare, cos ogf my terrible experience in singapore before.......i don't know...It seems that there are full of question mark in my life right now, i don't know wt is really the correct way for me to carry on my life, i don't know wt goanna be happened next year (or in BA) i don't know i don't know , i am totally lost actually...but I realized that no matter how hard life is, you still haev to over come that, "time" is really fair, it will never wait for you , but it must keep going, so hard time must  gone someday, this already become a motivation which supporting me ......i really hope that someday , i can find a motivation which can really " motivate " me but not telling me how the realistic is and forcing me to motivate myself...pls no more.....

Hey guys.....havn't been here for a long long time, as you know , i got plenty of works this year, i would say , that's totally a diseaster for me, no matter n=mentally or physically......i almost exhausted..........but i still got one month to go...ai.....but anyway, finally come to the christmas break, i got a little bit free time to go to Zurich>
But the weather is damn cold there,-6 C, it's freezing>
you know how cold there is? see this!!haha

finally~~~

HEHE~before i think some of you already seen qqmy schedule through those week , right? now I have just pass my diseaster week,week 46....I really exhuasted in that week....2 reports, supervisory week, theme lunch preparation , brownie baking.............i just feel like my life is "burning" ..haha, no time to sleep, even when i was sleeping, i still thinking of how can I write for my report....omg....but anyway, those already passed but ne challanges are waiting for me.....cos i still have week 47,48,49.......every got a report to hand in m exma as well.....I really can't imagine how I can be when i back to hk, beocme a panada?haha, who knows?

But there was a gd news I have received last week la, now i have already processing my japan visa lor, hope everything will goes fine and I can make my dream come true la^^westin awaji island, i am coming!

hey , to anyone who will come to my blog.actualyl some ppl always tell me y my blog soo sad......um...I don't know maybe that who I am ba...cos i think here already the only place that I can share my real feeling ...to say wt i want to say , wt I am busy with....I already not sure which amy is the real amy lu.....

first of all, let's talk about my school life.....i would say ....it's suck........plenty of report , supervisory work, non stop planning ...group wor...event planning....evening duty....intership stuff....I really frustrated...I already forgot when I was really happy and always in good mood throughout the day...I already forgot when I will think tomorrow is a happy day...maybe there are no more happy day in my life la ba.....I don't know.

actually, sometimes , I start to hate myself....cos after i back to HM, I easily get angry with someone, I always blaming others and said they don't do their work and blah blah blah.....

i don't kow how to express my feeling now....i just feel hopeless ......it seems that no one can help me, no one understand me, and no one can stnd with me???
i just freel so stressful.......i ven don't wan tot to do anything, don't wan tto read anything related to those assignment , report, internship stuff....it's always hurting me....no reply for internship, no highly motivated groupmates....nonono, nothing...i got nothing.................i can't do wt i want to, i can't go whever i like, i don't know if i can pass through this few weeks.....anyone can push me a bit? i have no more power to move on.......

i just feel sad at this moment.......

我捱得過嗎?
or  this already the last few weeks in my life????? I don''t know....

Y human beings always face this kind of problems? If you want to protect yourself, then you can to give up something....friendship?ai........

Now , my everyday life seems only got" internships" this word...it 's the only thing in my brain.......no internships, mean nothign i can do...no motivation, no target..nothing...

I hate this kinnd of waiting.......it make me sooo nervous....i don't wan tot use all of my time to dealing with this problem.....i hate that......

I still remember last year , today was the happiest time that I ever had here, Wine festival, the biggest event in neuchatel.....playing hard , drank hard, although i hurt my knee, but I still very happy ...like no stress, no sadness...only friends and happy memories.......but those will no longer exists.......

ai......when i can get the reply from any hotel in japan ne?????
it seems that I got a difficult task again.....how come i always choose the way that not easy to go through????I always ask myself  this questitons but i never get an answer........actually i can get an internship easily by choosing my home country or just simply stay in swiss or somecountry like dubai? actually i know it, but I just want to choose the destination that i really wan tot go to and really want to live there ,like last time, i choosed taiwan....although many thing happened and it totally a hard time for me, but I will never regret about having this decision , cos i really got a lot of happiness from that hard time...and those memories will never be forgotten......
However , this time , i have choosed japan......it seems that it will more harder than going to taiwan ........it that a wrong decision?i don't know, cos japan is one of my favourite place, i really wan tot stay their and experience their lifestyle.....i wan tto use all the chance provided by this course to go whereever i want, those place that I may not be there forever if i didn't pick this course, i really don't wan tto waste any chance...but can I make it htis time? i don't know....I got less and less confident about that......who can help me? hope i will get some reply tomorrow ....positive reply...pls......

almost didn't update for a month again...I am soo lazy ne^^">
and , finally i have back to swiss to continue my study...a feel like back to prison again, haha~
as wt i have exoected, everything and everyone changed after the intership , even myself, i won't say that's gd or not, but i just can't get used to that yet.The distance between each other become much more far than before, everyone just become a little group and enjoying their own world within their group, although everyone may behave nothing was happened, but I believe everyone are know about it, time is really a horrible thing, never wait for anyone , never care about anything, just move forward and try it's best to make ppl being far from each others.............

I think after the internship , or i would said after living in taiwan for half year, or even after i study in Swiss for half year, all of my faith and convidence had gone. it just like I got a deep hole inside my heart, nothing is important to me, friendship become a thing that's always hurting me, no matter wherever i go , I just keep myself away from other, i dont' want to talk with anyone or even having any eye conact whenever i talk to them. You know y? because I don't want to be hurt agian.......I don't wan tot show any care to anyone anymore, cos I afraid , I afriad i will have nothign return even I pay a lot of effort to build friendship with others, it's really tired, when you show your repects to them and try to care about them, but when you are sad, when you are sick, and when you really want someone to talk to, or even when you want someone to give you a hug in orer to show that you are not alone......Who care? when you really put a lot of effort to keep the friendship but your friend just think those are bull shit and try different way to scold you and blaming you didn't care about them...wt will you think?I think you will just give up in trying anything like me, cos the only one who will never giveup you is yourself, the one who really love you is yourself only, no others......I really tired...I don't want to try...

到不了...


你眼睛会笑　弯成一条桥　

i remember last weeks, i was looking forward to come back....but now , at this moment, i already have no feeling about my holiday in hk anymore....i don't know, i really looking forward meet my friends, everytime before i go out and meet them , i just get well prepared and " think" that it must be a great memory for me to bring back to swiss...however, all are out of my expectation, whenver I meet with them, we no longer have topic even we had more than 1000 topics before...I was rally outdated...i sees that wherever i go , i just got no friend ...跟每個人的關係都變得生疏．．．就好似以前辛苦所建立的友誼都唔見哂ｇｕｍ．．有時會諗究竟當初要去唔同的國家見多ｄｉ學多ｄｉ　ｇｅｉ決定係ａｒｍ定錯呢？如果ａｒｍ　ｇｅｉ，自己而家就唔會ｇｕｍ唔開心，如果錯ｇｅｉ，而家亦無回頭的餘地了．．．而家我知道當一個人係每個地方都停留唔超過半年ｇｅｉ時候，佢ｇｅｉ所見所學無疑係多左，但所失去的永遠比得到ｇｅｉ多，ｏｎｌｙ令人變得孤獨就已經夠了．．．．．


ｙａｕ諗太多了．．．．

okok, everybody, here coem to part 12^^

as I remember last time, i was talking about how frustrated in teaching new intern, isn't it? but after the last week, i can say i got a different point of view about teaching or wroking with them.

in the past week, as our outlet got 3 new interns who called Egger, Summer and Sheila, all of us including me, intern as well ,have to teach them how to be a successful waiter or waitress is bel air. For me, I am the one who teach them the operational work in the back office.I just teach them what they have to prepare for the underlinder of the dishes, how to polish cultery, how to read the order, how to "fire" food, etc, etc. i just keep repeat, repeat and repeat everyday , you know why?cos they report on different day?!haha