nazuki210

it's the first time for me to update my blog after i got move to pixnet.net...um..actually, i am really down today...um...not only today , but the past few days....although all my problem have been fixed. Ii need not to care about my internship, visa stuff anymore,however, Ii can't feel any happiness come out of my heart.I ijust feel like something is missing in my life...in the past few days, i have nothing to do , nothing that I want to work for....the feeling wasn't that gd..

I did think a lot in the past few days...i thought that y my life isialways full of "challanges"??how come everythime i put a lot of effort in doing one thing but at last , it just fail to achieve the goal?yyy?it is i really that bad so no ppl or country that want to get me involved?although i did ask meself to carry on , and yeah I did , i did carryonn in finding other offer sin hk....but I can't stop myself to feel sad about losing the offer in singapore.....i start deal with the hotel at the beginninig of sep......after i sacrify such a lot of time and effort, they give me a fail in getting the visa is because i am studying in a coutnry that they are not regonise???is it my fault???!!Ii don't know...

actually, after i back to hk , i never feel happy even during my taiwan trip, tha'ts the first time I feel sad when I was watching gary's performance( sure i didn't express my sadness) or eating those tasty food...not because it's always raining, but because I just lost my offer right before i go to taiwan...I lost everything at that time.I really hope that someone could notice my sadness and just came to ask me  wt happen....but no one did it.....and during the trip ....something happen that make me feel like.........um....無奈吧...i didn't mean anything, i know ppl did that to me is for my own gd, but when that's happened during my" down period" , it will make me even hurt.

actually, sometimes , i really afraid Mr. Chaw will forget who I am or ppl will just ignore me ......because after i finish my first internship, i found myself got changed..a big change, i become the one who don't know how to make friends with other, how to communicate or social with others...i really want friends, i really want someone who  care about me whenever i was down and feeling sad like now, you know wt, after my first internship, i become the one who really like to cry, because if i don't cry, i really don't know how to release my stress and my sadness...i don't know who I can talk to or who can understand my feeling .....whenever i will sad or stressful i just cry on my bed, and I even didn't make any noise, cos i afraid it will disturb my roomate.....i can't see any "sunshine" in my life...all i have is darkness...that's y i changed my background to a sunshine mood.Cos here is the only place that I can express myself ,the only place that i can show my real personality..

Ii rally hope that the old amy can be back, the one who can be friend with everyone, the one who is always being involves by others.....the one who always keep a smile on her face.....the one who always think in a positive way.........

Ii just hope that everything will go fine during my internship, and i hope it can help me to get the old amy back.....and I hope that my english level won't getting worser and worser.......

I am sooo frustrated..........when will it come to an end?